Tuesday, June 16, 2009

More unnecessary award silliness

Metal Hammer

So Metal Hammer out of the U.K. had its award show just like they did with their Revolver Golden Gods award show in L.A. I guess the organization is about the Award shows and bases it's events around various publications. Which would explain why it's necessary to have two of the same things a month apart. Sure. Go here to see the article.

Anyways, its some of the same crap that Revolver did just not as much of it and in a few cases they got it right. Let's take a peek shall we?

Best New Band: Five Finger Death Punch. I have to admit this band kicks ass. Stupid name but some cool grooves.Alot of influences mixed in. Disturbed,Slipknot,Pantera and so on. So I'd have to agree with this.

Best Underground Band: Behemoth. Ok kudos for giving props to Black Metal but honestly. This group is nothing special. The music is cookie cutter black metal riffs and the vocalist has this wierd voice box shit that sounds like someone roaring in a hollow tube. Crap.

Best Metal Label: Roadrunner. Bigger does not mean better.

Spirit of Metal: This is where they sort of fag up the awards. What does this even mean and why Saxon of all groups? If it's supposed to be based on the look of metal and how many anthems in praise of metal then Manowar should have got it. Oh well moving on.

The Dimebag Darrel Shredder Award: Herman Li/Sam Toteman. You name an award after a master of riffs and groove metal and then give it to two complete noodlers. Nice. I enjoy Dragonforce because its fast cheese but come on. These two couldn't be farther from what Dimebag was all about.

Event of the Year: Download Festival. Sure,why not. I didn't go to any events because I'm not rich enough to afford hotel and airfare to Wacken , Swedish Rock Festivals or Download. My how things have changed, it used to be America that everyone wanted to come to except for Donnington. Now all we have is Cruefest and Ozzfest. Bleh.

Legends Award: Def Leppard.Seriously? The only thing legendary about Def Leppard is the amount of records sold from '81-'87 and the tragedies they endured with members through those years. Hardly constitutes an award.

Best Breakthrough Band: Amon Amarth. The retardation is getting worse I swear to God. AA is hardly a breakthrough band. They've been pumping out the same Viking bullshit for the last dozen years or so. Admittedly they're slowly progressing into an interesting band but there is nothing breakthrough about this.

Best album: Lamb of God "Wrath": Best Selling is not best. Never has been never will be. And what time period are we talking here? The year is only halfway through with some anticipated releases yet to come. If part of last year is considered then there were better releases late last year then this.

Metal as Fuck: Anvil. Dead career and resurrection through the means of a movie detailing a dead career is not Metal as Fuck. It's a joke award anyways but not a funny punchline.

Inspiration: Emperor. Seriously this is a category. Was Metal Hammer inspired by Emperor? Is Emperor the meaning of inspiration. I don't get this. Emperor is a eat your baby in the name of Satan black metal. To put a category with no direction and fuzzy warm feeling sounding and then give it to Emperor is funnier then the previous category.

Riff Lord: Steve Vai. Draw a name from a hat and give this to that guy. Did Steve Vai do something great in the last year or something? Who was his competition? I respect the guys playing but I honestly can't think of a riff that was memorable except for the talking back to David Lee Roth riffs in "Yankee Rose".

Best Live Band: Slipknot. My awesome powers of deduction is starting to piece together that fans voted on all of this stuff. 50 guys on stage in demented forms of clown gear playing metalcore constitutes best live band. In a 16 year old skaters mind it does.

Best International Band: Slipknot. Popularity contest ftw here. Because yeah, it's not like there are so many other better bands out there that are not British.

Best UK band: Iron Maiden. My favorite British band. Are they best out of the U.K.? Probably seeing as there isn't alot of name competition there. I'm just glad Judas Priest didn't take this award. Wankers.

Golden God: Iron Maiden. Yeah give it to the boys.Frankly they should have won a few other categories up top too based on the category names but whatever.

So there you go. While it's cool metal is getting award things going it's still not adding any credibility to the form with some of the ridiculous categories and winners. Oh well it can only get better from here right? Right?

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