When I first heard about this the other day from one of my Facebook friends, I thought it was a joke. Then a link was shared with only the audio and when I listened to it; even though in what I knew to be reality such a travesty could NEVER exist.
Sadly, some time later, visual proof was given to me and the world as I know it has now changed.
Just kill me now.
So Rob Zombie is making a new movie. It's called the Lords of Salem and yes it's named after one of his songs. It's going to be about modern day Salem residents invaded by witches from 300 years ago or something. Here is the *if's* that might make it watchable.
1. Sherri Moon is not in it. Or if she is she's naked and doesn't speak.
2. The residents of modern day are not despicable white trash folk in Massachusetts.
3. And the violence is believable in the sense of not just brutal for the sake of being brutal.
4. The people that produced Paranormal Activity are supposed to be involved in this. I don't know if that means this will be good or not since I didn't see either one.
Guess we'll have to wait for the trailers next year to see if this is going to be worth it or not.
Is it the sign of the economic times where rock stars are needing to sell things off on auction to pay the bills? Alice Cooper and Bret Michaels are selling their cars. But file this under why? Piggy D, the bassist for Rob Zombie, is selling his pants on Ebay. Now these aren't pants he designed as a replica to tour pants he used. This is the actual real deal. So you can slip into pants that Piggy D himself sweated,farted, and probably spilt beer all over just a few years ago. I'm sure they're washed by now but hey how's that for a visual?
Right now the current bid is 152 bucks but you still have 6 days to "win" a pair of unique memorabilia. Oh and they're women's size 3. So Piggy, you into jeggings too? Go to Ebay and get the details on this. Wierdos.
I hate it when something that should be a good idea on paper turns out to be shit. Rob Zombie making a remake of a horror classic should be a no brainer right? Wrong.I finally got around to watching this thing and figured it's been a long time since I posted on here so why not? Why indeed..
The original film was awesome because it was basically the first of it's kind with the inhuman psychopath killing machine. Sure, it was light on plot but since it was one of the first it had a ton of suspense behind it and actually made you nervous opening the door for kids on Halloween.It didn't need a ton of plot. You knew as a kid he killed almost his whole family and was locked away in a asylum for 15 years and escaped. Apparently Rob Zombie disagrees.
What Rob Zombie has basically done in this movie is give you a ton of unnecessary backstory leading up to the rampage.Seriously, for 45 minutes we are treated to redneck trailer trash vulgarity leading to death leading to a ton of attempted rehab of Michael Myers leading to more death. Basically Rob tries for the sympathetic angle towards Michael almost throughout this thing that left me bored.
And then to top it off later when you think the movie is about to end surprise! There is another 20 minutes of Michael's shenanigans.Is it a bad film? No....not really. It's just a long drawn out slasher flick.Lots of boobs and blood but way more characterization then is necessary.
I had part 2 queued up in Netflix but I'll probably pass up on it. This was one of those times I find myself sort of agreeing with the masses on a movie and I think that's what really pisses me off.
I haven't done a real time review for a while and I can't think of a better victim then Rob Zombie's Hellbilly Deluxe 2 Noble Jackals,Penny Dreadfuls, and the Dehumnanization of Cool. Holy crap that's a mouthful. I'm going to keep my expectations low because not only was Educated Horses my least favorite album but it seemed that Rob Zombie kept hinting he wanted to get away from this aspect of his career. I hope it's not a half assed endeavor. Alright let's do this.
1.Jesus Frankenstein: Well already the song titles are back to form. If I were a Christian I'd take offense I think. Spooky intro. Wow this is a bass heavy intro. Ack! Rob Zombie just yelled "All Hail!". Scary. Lot's of buildup in this song.It better be good. Oh yeah this is the Rob Zombie I remember. "All Hail Jesus Frankenstein!". This song has some groove. I like it. 8 of 10.
2.Sick Bubblegum: I'd seen the video for this. Best acting job by Shari Moon Zombie imo. This one has the first of the soundbyte intros and the anthemic "Rock Motherfucker Rock!". You know I've hardly ever caught on to any of the sound byte references. I guess I don't watch enough shitty horror flicks. This song has a good groove as well. And as usual the lyrics make no damn sense but if you care about lyrical meaning with Rob Zombie you're in for disappointment. 8 of 10.
3.What?: As if on queue this song title sums it up with all of Rob Zombie's vocals.
Old timey keyboard intro.Buzzsaw guitars and a voicebox vocals. This song is catchy as hell. The kind of song that will probably stick in my head the rest of the day and aggravate the shit out of me.Uh huh Uh huh Uh huh. 7 of 10 just for that fact.
4.Mars Needs Women: There was a freestyle group in the 80's with a song of this title. Oh lord I hope this isn't the same thing. Nope. It's got a bluesy acoustic intro. Interesting. Am I listening to Rob Zombie? Oh hello Rob there you are. Apparently Mars Needs Women , angry red women in fact. I don't know how he knows that but oh well. No doubt this song is an homage to the crappy 50's sci flick of the same name about a Amazon like tribe of women on Mars. Song is pretty repetitive.I actually think I liked the intro better then the meat of the song. Oooo....sounds like a Martian woman is getting laid in that soundbyte. Still not enough to save the song. Sounds like filler from earlier albums. 6 of 10.
5.Werewolf,Baby!:Another soundbyte intro. Apparently they can sense the rythmn of my blood. Whoever they are. Maybe it's werewolves.I R smart.Slide guitar intro. Oh it's a song about Rob Zombie turning into a werewolf and looking to mate. Fantastic.Stay away from my leg. A bit better then the previous track. 7 of 10.
6.Virgin Witch: Hope she's hotter then American Witch. Church Bells ring in the intro.Slow Doomy intro.Ooooh I like this riff. Reminds me of Corrosion of Comformity.Pretty heavy song. Not as catchy as American Witch but alot heavier. I'm noticing the electronica is not as prevalent on here. Sounds like John 5 is getting alot of free reign to actual play the guitar here. I'm digging this track . 8 of 10.
7. Death And Destiny Inside The Dream Factory: No soundbytes in here it just goes straight to the rockin.That voicebox is back on this track and with the pace of this song it's like an annoying buzz throughout. So far the least favorite track for me. Next! 5 of 10.
8. Burn: A one word song title? That's rare.Soundbyte intro. Sounds like a cult leader speaking. Groove laden intro. This song reminds me of Ironhead from the Sinister Urge. No Ozzy in sight though. Pappa omm mow mow? Somebodies been listening to golden oldies. Songs interesting and has a good groove. 7 of 10.
9. Cease to Exist: Soundbyte intro again from a faux newscast mixed with something else. Heavy intro. Pretty slow paced for a Rob Zombie song. Catchy riff though.It's an ok song. 7 of 10.
10. Werewolf Women of the SS: I know this reference! I was just reading an interview with the actress that played in this movie years ago on (shameless blog plug)Retrocrush.com. Sorry, back to the song. Soundbyte is the trailer for this film.Riff is like a demented Pipeline. 60's surf film vibe.Go Go dancers are being envisioned. "Howl baby Howl". I like this track. It's a fun tune. 8 of 10.
11.The Man Who Laughs. A secret agent song? Sounds like it with the strings mimicing a secret agent flick. Whoa, crushing riff in the midst of a symphonic song by Rob Zombie? Trippy. Groove laden riff. This song is bad ass so far. Holy crap the track is almost 10 minutes long.Halfway through it's a drum solo like you'd hear at a live show. Hope it doesn't go the rest of the way.Or have dead air like he's done in the past. Still going with the drums.It's like watching a parody comedy and waiting for something to happen when the credits roll. Still drumming. Ah there we go back to the main riff.Cool way to close out the album. This might be my favorite track. 9 of 10.
Overall that was a pretty fun listen and a nice return to form by Rob Zombie. If you've liked any White Zombie or any solo stuff previous to Educated Horses you should get this. If you're tired of the schticks probably not so much. Don't get me wrong about Horses I did like it...eventually. It just took a few listens because it was so different.
If you want to hear some of this stuff for yourself go to their Myspace page and check out What? and here is the video for Sick Bubblegum.Enjoy.
No Halloween themed month would be complete without making reference to all things wierd and metal, Rob Zombie.
I like so many other discovered Rob Zombie when he was with White Zombie and the video Thunderkiss '65 came on Beavis and Butthead. This was at the height of grunge music. Glam was dead and grunge and alternative reigned supreme. Here comes this guy with dreadlocks and patchwork clothes with guys in creepy costumes riding around in a car. And the tune itself was heavy with a massive groove to it that just sent a jolt through everyone going through a rock malaise.
The song made no sense but nobody cared. This ended up being one of the few cd's I bought after hearing one song. Astrocreep came out and I bought that one too. This song I have a video of my oldest son rocking out to on my old stereo.
Again, this album was chock full of non sensical lyrics but the groove and mixing of old cheesy horror film soundbytes was just cool.Or in this case porn sound bytes:)
Rob then went solo and really embraced the horror theme which was cool. Here is one of my favorite vids. Munsters dragster anyone?
I actually liked all of his solo stuff better because the strong structures were more cohesive and there was a more solid mix of influences.
I finally got to see Rob Zombie in concert opening for Godsmack, and yes his show did not disappoint as there was alot of theatrics on stage such as Go Go dancers and a walking giant robot. The lighting with the black ambiance was very cool too even though the last release Educated Horses by and large did not maintain the horror theme previous releases did. With the exception of this song. This video is what was on the big screens while this song was being played.
In the midst of all of this Rob Zombie was able to be a movie director since he admits that film making is actually his first love. Here are a couple of trailers to his previous works.
This movie was pure crap but enjoyable.
And then his biggest hit so far which is the remake of "Halloween" which I will be watching finally this year.
So there ya go...I salute you Rob Zombie for keeping metal alive through the nineties with a freaky and cool twist. Here is the man himself to help celebrate Halloween with a little clip from last year. Enjoy.
