A Metal Awards Show! Awesome....or is it?

So when I was pissing and moaning about the Grammys I mentioned metal maybe should have it's own awards show and ignorantly was not aware that in fact that was going to be the case. The Epiphone Revolver Golden Gods award show was on April 7th.

To say this is a mixed blessing would be spot on. First of all it was being broadcasted on MTV2. Oh MTV...how I still loathe you. Only MTV could put up a false front by honoring and inviting some of the heaviest metal acts of the last 20 years and still turn it into a cartoon festival with skits and asinine category names.

You see apparently up until last year England's Metal Hammer magazine sponsored this award and last year you had some normal categories like best album and best shredder.
This year let's see what we have:

Most Awesomely Good Drummer: Because American metal fans are retarded illiterate jerkoffs that say this kind of thing all the time.

Best Underground Metal Band: No problems with this category except isn't metal still pretty much underground for the most part except for radio hit bands like Disturbed and Papa Roach? Unnecessary category.

Metal Industry Award: What does this even mean? The Rainbow Bar & Grill won so.....venues get awarded here?

Best Album: Normalcy finally...cool.

Honorary Headbanger:Pandering to non musical celebs that are into metal and are fucking someone from Motley Crue is not acceptable(Kat Von D won this).This kind of shit is why grunge took over in the 90's,MTV,thanks to you.

Golden God:I still don't understand the point of this versus the lifetime achievement award.

Best Riff:This kind of category is something some douchebag on a forum site would post just to start some kind of debate.

Most Viral Video:"Let's be cool and incorporate something from that internet thing to attract more viewers".

Most Metal Athlete: See honorary headbanger. Snowboarders are extreme just like metal, so lets give this to a snowboarder. Baseball or football players being metal? Yeah right. (God you suck MTV)

Best Live Band: Who does the voting for this shit? Oh wait it must have been a poll in a issue of Revolver magazine....now I get it.

Best New Talent: Why does this sound even more gay then just keeping with Best new Artist? Call it Best Debut or something if its a newly signed band. Talent makes it sound like American Idol or something.

Lifetime Achievement:There you go and this by itself has more crediblity then the Rock Hall of Fame or the Grammys.

Best International Band:So every band not part of the country hosting this is an international band. Last year in England Avenged Sevenfold was in this category.News Flash! Metal music is worldwide now and more popular outside of the U.S then ever before.Take out this category.

Reader’s Choice Award:Something Nickeleoden would have.

Most Mind-Blowing Guitarist:See the drummer category.Or at least be consistent. Where is the individual vocalist or bassist categories? Pissing contests like this are stupid.

Hottest Chick In Metal:Seriously.....enough with the godamn stereotypes. This is why metal still does not get any respect or recognition.

On the plus side there was some seriously cool people that showed up for this thing. Guys that normally would not even be invited to a music awards show like Slayer, Testament,Hatebreed,Lamb of God...etc. And the performances were supposed to be really good as well. And getting Brian Posehn to host is pretty cool. He's like a normal giant nerd metal fan even in his stand up performances and seems like somebody you'd hang with even though he's kind of famous.

So anyways I'll still punish myself and on May 2nd on MTV2 I'll be watching this and hoping that it actually turned out better then first impressions. Just because it's about metal. I love the music but I hope to hell MTV doesn't screw this up. I crack myself up.